the finest mofo this side of the west side (vicariance) wrote,
the finest mofo this side of the west side
vicariance

on greed

Sometimes I am forced to confront a friend of mine for taking advantage of my generosity. It sucks profoundly; gets my heart racing faster than asking someone out on a date. I am so afraid that I am making myself seem like an uncharitable monster, or that I am misunderstanding my evaluation of the fairness of the situation. But I do it. More now than before, both because I am older and stronger, but also because Llewellyn is very good at informing me when I'm being somebody's bitch. I try to be polite, though it's very hard when the basic point I need to get across is that taking advantage of my generosity is, itself, impolite. I definitely make mistakes, usually in the direction of harshness, and I terrorize the object of my castigation. This is a big fucking problem, because what usually results of that terror is complete abandonment. And that pisses me off SO much more than the mooching did.

So you feel guilty because I've brought it to your attention that you're a greedy bitch, and you just run away? That tells me a variety of things, none good. First, it tells me you're afraid of me. That is bullshit. My friends should not be afraid of me. Being afraid of me means you don't understand me, so fuck you. Second it tells me that you feel only exactly enough guilt to know that what you were doing was wrong and/or won't be tolerated anymore. You don't feel guilty enough to actually try to make up for it, or at the least, begin attempting to redress the balance in our relationship. So fuck you for that. Third, it suggests that my friendship was only valuable to you because you were able to mooch from me. Oh well, free rides over, no more use for Millsey. Fuck you for that.

This message is dedicated to Pat. Thanks alot, douchebag. No more hugs for you.
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