the finest mofo this side of the west side (vicariance) wrote,
the finest mofo this side of the west side
vicariance

Paladinhood

It's amazing to me how many things, as my mind and spirit coalesce into this unstoppable force that is who I am becoming, were true about myself that I claimed, but true to so much greater a degree than I suspected.

For a very long time now, I have identified myself as a Paladin. A holy warrior; unswervingly ethical in the pursuit of a beautiful orderly way of life. I always made the caveat, the evasion: "but I am a chaotic good paladin, so the title doesn't really stand". Chaotic good alignment basically means you do whatever the fuck you want, given any dilemma, but choose believing that it's good for the world. Lawful alignments don't get to choose for themselves because their ethics are written out in a book, and that's the part that didn't jive with me. It turns out, that I am lawful indeed, but have merely written my own book. I am a paladin of an order with a single member, but as sickeningly lawful good as any paladin of Tyr. Tyr does not write my laws for me, but they are written nonetheless, and yet I am also still willing to change. I would say that among those written laws of mine is one that requires that I change any law if abundant proof of its unfairness is offered. Along with another rule that I must pore over any such proffered proof, with great tenacity, without the defensiveness that might close my mind.

These are ethics I have been building and honing my whole life without realizing how profoundly concrete they have become for me. I do not need to question whether the vast majority of life's actions are good or evil; because I know generally know the truth of them immediately, from deep within my heart, where I have been keeping and growing my code of honor, my personal law of goodness.

Lawrence_Kohlberg's_stages_of_moral_development
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