the finest mofo this side of the west side (vicariance) wrote,
the finest mofo this side of the west side
vicariance

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intelligence introspection and self-improvement

I was talking to my love, Norma, the other day about the theory of Multiple Intelligences, and I was going on about how it seems less salient to me as I get older and observe my own aptitude across the board. Suffice to say, she mopped the floor with me, and convinced me that I was regressing to an oversimple paradigm. Today we were talking about it a little bit more, and it occurred to me why I was doing that: wishful thinking. I have a friend, my best friend, actually, who has some mental and emotional problems that strike me as fucking incandescent, but like most people, she hides from these problems, or convinces herself that they are not problems, or tells herself that they're okay. All incredibly common methods of coping with a flawed self without enduring the hardship of reforging it and all the awful pain that comes with that.

It is my wish to believe that her intelligence, which is significant, would inexorably lead her to the decision, to the compulsion even, to rigorously self-evaluate, and then devise a plan to regulate and ultimately redesign herself. It is my belief that my own intelligence has lead me through this path. I truly believe, that because of my dedication to introspection and self-awareness, I am exactly the person I wish to be. I have no flaws.
"When you're as gifted as Bean, accurate self-assessment looks like vanity"

Of course, I do have weaknesses, but they are all weaknesses I have chosen to allow in exchange for the complementary strength. For instance, I am fairly terrible at striking up conversations, asking for phone numbers, and initiating sex. It takes a very high level of comfortable rapport (or drunkeness) for me to be able to do these things. And the reason is because I place tremendous value on being unintrusive, and not being the kind of person who puts social pressure on others. And I place so much value on it because YOU do. You, collective set of all the people I have interacted with. I have listened endlessly to people bitch about that douchebag who failed to respect your space or privacy because he was such a self-absorbed tool that he couldn't read the signals you were giving off.

It is my intelligence that has allowed me to collate these stories into a universal poignant desire for others to not be oblivious or intrusive. To stay the fuck away when a signal is given that you are not wanted. (of course, some people don't even bother to send a signal). And I believe the gradual result of the KNOWLEDGE that this is how a person should behave to minimize alienation of those they encounter was for me to intelligently apply practices that kept me from being intrusive, at the cost of my ability to be intrusive, heh. So there's a reward built-in there, but additionally, my meticulous avoidance of intrusiveness lends strength to my perspicacity, and lends confidence to my responses when I am certain they are desired. I way excel at responding.

It is unfortunately likely however, that some people, however intelligent otherwise, do not have the emotional strength or whatever skill is at the root of the ability to gaze with clarity into themselves. Hell, that should be obvious to me, with the prevalence of therapy in the modern world. I suppose I am gifted in that I do not need therapy to solve my problems of self. But that makes me a little sad, because I want everyone I love to be perfect, and therefore be as happy and satisfied as possible. And maybe more important: to rid themselves of any obstacles that might keep them from loving and appreciating ME :D


...stay tuned, in my next post I will include the transcript of a text message war I had with one of the least self-aware people I've ever loved.
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I kept waiting for the punch line....
do you find my arrogance appalling, Em?